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Toilet Training When is the right time to start toilet training? There is no set age at which toilet training should begin. Before children are 12 months of age, they have no control over bladder or bowel movements. While many children start to show signs of being ready between 18 and 24 months of age, some children may not be ready until 30 months or older. This is normal. Most children achieve bowel control and daytime urine control by 3 to 4 years of age. However, even after your child is able to stay dry during the day, it may take months or years before he achieves the same success at night. Most children are able to stay dry at night after 5 years of age. Signs that your child may be ready include the following: * Your child stays dry at least 2 hours at a time during the day or is dry after naps. * Bowel movements become regular and predictable. * You can tell when your child is about to urinate or have a bowel movement. * Your child can follow simple instructions. * Your child can walk to and from the bathroom and help undress. * Your child seems uncomfortable with soiled diapers and wants to be changed. * Your child asks to use the toilet or potty chair. * Your child asks to wear "big-kid" underwear. Note: Some child care programs require children to be toilet trained as a requirement for enrollment. Don't let this be a threat to your child; it may be an incentive for her to cooperate in the toilet training process. Major changes in the home may make toilet training more difficult. Sometimes it is a good idea to delay toilet training if * Your family has just moved or will move in the near future. * You are expecting a baby or you have recently had a new baby. * There is a major illness, a recent death, or some other family crisis. However, if your child is learning how to use the toilet without problems, there is no need to stop because of these situations. Toilet Training Tips * Decide which words to use. Choose the words your family will use to describe body parts, urine, and bowel movements. Remember that other people will hear these words too, so pick words that will not offend, confuse, or embarrass anyone. Avoid negative words like "dirty," "naughty," or "stinky." They can make your child feel ashamed and embarrassed. Talk about bowel movements and urination in a simple, matter-of-fact manner. * Pick a potty chair. A potty chair is easier for a small child to use because there is no problem getting onto it and a child's feet can reach the floor. Special books or toys for "potty time" may help make this more enjoyable for your child. * Know the signs. Before having a bowel movement, your child may grunt or make other straining noises, squat, or stop playing for a moment. When pushing, his face may turn red. Explain to your child that these signs mean that a bowel movement is about to come. Your child may wait until after the fact to tell you about a wet diaper or a bowel movement. This is actually a good sign that your child is starting to recognize these body functions. Praise your child for telling you, and suggest that "next time" he let you know in advance. Keep in mind that it often takes longer for a child to recognize the need to urinate than the need to move bowels. * Make trips to the potty routine. When your child seems ready to urinate or have a bowel movement, go to the potty. It may also be helpful to make trips to the potty a regular part of your child's daily routine, such as first thing in the morning, after meals, or before naps. * Try training pants. Once your child starts using the potty with some success, training pants can be used. This moment will be special. Your child will feel proud of this sign of growing up. However, be prepared for "accidents." If any concerns come up before, during, or after toilet training, talk with your pediatrician. Often the problem is minor and can be resolved quickly, but sometimes physical or emotional causes will require treatment. Your pediatrician's help, advice, and encouragement can help make toilet training easier. Also, your pediatrician is trained to identify and manage problems that are more serious. Department of Human Development and Family Studies Methods for toilet training vary. Parents may depend on their child care provider to guide the training process or read popular books for accomplishing the process in only one day. Whatever approach is used, the process should be approached with calmness and patience. Toilet training is a developmental milestone. It cannot be rushed. Adopting an attitude that "it will eventually happen" will ease parents' frustration and protect the child's sense of esteem. Readiness In many areas of child development, children must reach a certain age or be in the proper setting or situation before they are ready to learn. Children are ready to learn when they are healthy, well nourished, and not pressured to achieve at a level above their capability. Children often are pushed to grow up long before they are ready, as noted by child development expert David Elkind. "Growing up emotionally is complicated and difficult under any circumstances, but especially so when children's behavior and appearance speak 'adult' while their feelings cry 'child.'" Early childhood is a challenging period. Children are exploring their growing sense of independence. There is a sensiti\ve balance between how this search for independence is accepted by others and the child's developing sense of shame and doubt. If children are given encouragement, then they are able to provide parents with clues and cues of readiness. If children are pressured to feed, dress themselves, or be readily toilet trained before they are physically or intellectually capable, then there will be unavoidable accidents and embarrassment. Embarrassment combined with parental disapproval increases the child's sense of doubt and shame. A word of caution to parents and caregivers in this stage: Proceed slowly, taking signals from the child. Lessons from research * In general, bowel training occurs before urine training. This is because children can control the sphincter muscle at an earlier age than they are able to recognize and control muscles controlling urination. In addition, parents often can more easily recognize behavior that suggests a child needs to have a bowel movement. * Daytime training occurs before night time training. * Girls usually are toilet trained before boys. For girls, successful training starts around 18 months or later, for boys around 22 months or later. * Toilet training problems often can be traced to other struggles between parent and child (discipline, authority acceptance, etc.). * Before toilet training is started, the child needs to be old enough to have biological control of elimination. Fears Most young children may be frightened by or curious about toilets. The size, noise and rapid water movement could be alarming to them. It is important to have a child-sized toilet for them to use. You will also need to help a child watch a toilet function and allow them to ask questions. "Where does it go?" and "Will I fall in?" (and disappear!) are common concerns. Be patient and give honest, simple explanations. Some parents find children will play in the water or clog plumbing by throwing objects in the toilet to see what happens. Adults may have to be very clear about why nothing else can be put in the toilet. Make sure you know where the valve is located to turn off the water to the toilet — just in case! A word of caution to parents and caregivers — attempt to separate the behavior from the child's sense of self. Otherwise, the process may be delayed if the child feels shame and doubt instead of a sense of independence. How to begin To start toilet training your child, first figure out his/her readiness by asking questions like: * Does the child urinate much at one time as opposed to dribbling throughout the day? * Does the child stay dry for several hours? * Does the child seem to realize that he/she is about to urinate based on particular posture, gestures, verbal or facial expressions? * Can the child understand and use words for elimination? * Does the child show an interest and is motivated by wearing "real" underwear? * Can the child walk steadily from room to room? Does the child have the coordination needed to stoop and pick up in order to complete task? * Can the child partially pull training pants down and up? After figuring out the child's readiness, take a look at your readiness to begin toilet training your child: * Honestly decide what signs of readiness your child shows. Enough to start the process? * When will you actually begin toilet training? o Is your daughter at least 18 months old, son at least 22 months old? o If both parents work, do you need to start the process on the weekend? o Is there a family crisis or other major family or child task that requires the child's or adult's attention right now? * Have you talked about and agreed on training techniques with child care providers, family members, and friends? * _________ appropriate supplies: training underwear, clean-up supplies, child-sized toilet or training chair. Bowel training Since bowel training usually occurs first, begin when you see a consistent pattern in your child's bowel movements. As soon as you see signs of concentration and pushing, take the child to the bathroom and help him or her finish in the toilet. The next day, take the child to the toilet to "try" at the predicted regular time. Be consistent and supportive until they recognize the need and take themselves. Training for urination * Begin in the bathroom with a very simple explanation to your child like "Tomorrow, I am going to help you learn to use the toilet. Here is the toilet (or potty) you will use. I will help you by reminding you to go. We will do it together." Use words that are simple but realistic, such as "Go potty" or "Go to the toilet." Continue to provide liquids to the child on a regular basis. * The next day, start by taking your child to the toilet as soon as the child gets up. Be relaxed and supportive. Encourage your child to "try." After a few minutes, even if they haven't toileted, help them get dressed in simple, loosely fitting clothes. This may mean only underwear or loose pants or shorts with an elastic waist. Bare feet or rubber sandals also make life easier, depending on the weather. * If your child is urinating four to five times a day in the toilet, start lengthening the time between scheduled trips to the bathroom. On a two-hour schedule, if your child averages less than one accident a day, start giving the child more freedom to decide if they have to toilet. * Once a child has achieved bowel and daytime bladder training, do not worry about night-time training. Keep diapers on at night. Children may continue to wet at night until they are 4 or 5 years old. How parents can help * Teach the child words needed to talk about elimination. * Provide a potty chair for training. * Use praise (hand clapping, positive phrases) and incentives (books to read while sitting, playing potty with a doll) without allowing them to be too distracting. * Begin toilet training only when the child seems interested and willing. * Gently ask the child several times throughout the day and evening if they need to go to the bathroom. * Establish a regular pattern of toileting; upon rising, before and after meals, before bed. * Monitor fluid intake, particularly at bedtime. * Postpone training if the child does not seem to catch on or does not seem interested. * Remain calm and patient. * Expect accidents. Do not harshly punish accidents. * Do not blame, threaten or demoralize the child. * Do not insist that a child remain on a potty seat longer than 5 to 7 minutes. They may build up an association of unpleasantness with the bathroom or potty seat. * If the child seems more interested in the large toilet than the small potty chair, follow this cue. * Use same sex adult modeling when possible. * If the child has an accident, remain calm, saying "Sometimes accidents happen." Let them take part in the clean up by placing soiled clothing in the sink, wiping the floor with a towel, or wiping with a washcloth. * Some parents find it helpful in early training to try turning on the water faucet in the bathroom as a stimulus to urinate. * Storing clean underwear near the toilet may be beneficial. * Colorful underwear may be motivating and easy-to-remove clothing is recommended. Toilet training for special needs children The same training methods apply to special needs children as to other children. More record keeping may be necessary to find patterns such as in the time between eating and drinking and need to eliminate. If advised by consulting physicians and specialists to toilet train the child, a great deal of patience and a longer time frame may be necessary. Many other skills accompany even simple routines for children with physical or mental impairments. You need to do a clear task analysis of each process that trainers and parents often take for granted. This may involve actually writing down every step taken in order to go to the toilet. The tasks might include some of the following: * Recognizing when she/he has to go to the bathroom * Waiting to eliminate * Entering the bathroom * Manipulating clothing closures * Pulling pants down * Sitting on the toilet * Eliminating in the toilet * Using paper correctly * Pulling pants up * Flushing toilet * Washing hands * Drying hands To see if your child is ready to learn toilet training, answer the following additional questions. * Can the child follow simple directions? ("Come here, Tracy.") * Can the child sit in a chair for five minutes? * Can the child wait at least 1-1/2 hours between elimination times? Human sexuality implications Toilet training is a part of a life-long process of learning about the body and its functioning. Adults' attitudes toward genitals and the natural process of toilet training have an important influence on the child's developing feelings about her or his body and taking responsibility for bodily needs. Make certain the child has observed a parent or trusted adult using the toilet. Answer questions in a relaxed manner. Toilet training accomplished in a calm and positive way is an important support for life-long appreciation of human sexuality. Young children feel pleasure when they urinate or have a bowel movement. They may want to play with their urine or feces. They also may want to examine their own or other children's genitals when using the toilet. This is normal experimental behavior. It is a good time to teach correct names for body parts and body functions. The goal is to teach children that all parts of the body are good, and body functions are natural. When is the right time to start toilet training? There is no set age at which toilet training should begin. Before children are 12 months of age, they have no control over bladder or bowel movements. While many children start to show signs of being ready between 18 and 24 months of age, some children may not be ready until 30 months or older. This is normal. Most children achieve bowel control and daytime urine control by 3 to 4 years of age. However, even after your child is able to stay dry during the day, it may take months or years before he achieves the same success at night. Most children are able to stay dry at night after 5 years of age. Signs that your child may be ready include the following: Your child stays dry at least 2 hours at a time during the day or is dry after naps. Bowel movements become regular and predictable. You can tell when your child is about to urinate or have a bowel movement. Your child can follow simple instructions. Your child can walk to and from the bathroom and help undress. Your child seems uncomfortable with soiled diapers and wants to be changed. Your child asks to use the toilet or potty chair. Your child asks to wear "big-kid" underwear. Note: Some child care programs require children to be toilet trained as a requirement for enrollment. Don't let this be a threat to your child; it may be an incentive for her to cooperate in the toilet training process. Major changes in the home may make toilet training more difficult. Sometimes it is a good idea to delay toilet training if Your family has just moved or will move in the near future. You are expecting a baby or you have recently had a new baby. There is a major illness, a recent death, or some other family crisis. However, if your child is learning how to use the toilet without problems, there is no need to stop because of these situations. Toilet Training Tips Decide which words to use. Choose the words your family will use to describe body parts, urine, and bowel movements. Remember that other people will hear these words too, so pick words that will not offend, confuse, or embarrass anyone. Avoid negative words like "dirty," "naughty," or "stinky." They can make your child feel ashamed and embarrassed. Talk about bowel movements and urination in a simple, matter-of-fact manner. Pick a potty chair. A potty chair is easier for a small child to use because there is no problem getting onto it and a child's feet can reach the floor. Special books or toys for "potty time" may help make this more enjoyable for your child. Know the signs. Before having a bowel movement, your child may grunt or make other straining noises, squat, or stop playing for a moment. When pushing, his face may turn red. Explain to your child that these signs mean that a bowel movement is about to come. Your child may wait until after the fact to tell you about a wet diaper or a bowel movement. This is actually a good sign that your child is starting to recognize these body functions. Praise your child for telling you, and suggest that "next time" he let you know in advance. Keep in mind that it often takes longer for a child to recognize the need to urinate than the need to move bowels. Make trips to the potty routine. When your child seems ready to urinate or have a bowel movement, go to the potty. It may also be helpful to make trips to the potty a regular part of your child's daily routine, such as first thing in the morning, after meals, or before naps. Try training pants. Once your child starts using the potty with some success, training pants can be used. This moment will be special. Your child will feel proud of this sign of growing up. However, be prepared for "accidents." If any concerns come up before, during, or after toilet training, talk with your pediatrician. When should I start toilet training my child? Do not start toilet training until both you and your child are ready. You are ready when you are able to devote the time and energy necessary to encourage your child on a daily basis for at least 3 months. Your child is ready when he or she can signal that the diaper is wet or soiled, or when your child is able to say that he or she would like to go to the potty. This usually occurs when a child is 18 to 24 months of age. However, it is not uncommon for a child to still be in diapers at 2 and a half to 3 years of age. How should I prepare my child for toilet training? Allow your child to be present when you go to the bathroom and make your child feel comfortable in the bathroom. Allow your child to see urine and bowel movements in the toilet. Let your child play with flushing the toilet. Before toilet training your child, place a potty chair in your child's normal living and play area so that your child will become familiar with the potty. Consider placing a potty chair on each floor of the house if you live in a multilevel home. Allow your child to observe, touch and become familiar with the potty chair. Tell your child that the potty chair is his or her own chair. Allow your child to sit fully clothed on the potty chair, as if it were a regular chair. Allow your child to leave the potty chair at any time. Do not force your child to spend time sitting on the chair. After your child has become used to the potty chair and sits on it regularly with his or her clothes on, try having your child sit on the potty without wearing pants and a diaper. Let your child become comfortable with sitting on the potty without wearing pants and a diaper. The next step is to show your child how the potty chair is used. Place stool from a dirty diaper into the potty chair. Allow your child to observe the transfer of the bowel movement from the potty chair into the toilet. Let your child flush the toilet and watch the bowel movement disappear down the toilet. How do I teach my child to use the toilet? After your child has become comfortable with flushing the toilet and sitting on the potty chair, you may begin teaching your child to go to the bathroom. Keep your child in loose, easily removable pants. Place your child on the potty chair whenever he or she signals the need to go to the bathroom. Your child's facial expression may change when he or she feels the need to urinate or to have a bowel movement. Your child may stop any activity he or she is engaged in when he or she feels the need to go to the bathroom. Most children have a bowel movement once a day, usually within an hour after eating. Most children urinate within an hour after having a large drink. In addition to watching for signals that your child needs to urinate or have a bowel movement, place your child on the potty at regular intervals. This may be as often as every 1and a half to 2 hours. Stay with your child when he or she is on the potty chair. Reading or talking to your child when he or she is sitting on the potty may help your child relax. Praise your child when he or she goes to the bathroom in the potty chair, but do not express disappointment if your child does not urinate or have a bowel movement in the potty. Be patient with your child. Note: Some child care programs require children to be toilet trained as a requirement for enrollment. Don't let this be a threat to your child; it may be an incentive for her to cooperate in the toilet training process. Major changes in the home may make toilet training more difficult. Sometimes it is a good idea to delay toilet training if Your family has just moved or will move in the near future. You are expecting a baby or you have recently had a new baby. There is a major illness, a recent death, or some other family crisis. However, if your child is learning how to use the toilet without problems, there is no need to stop because of these situations. Toilet Training Tips * Decide which words to use. Choose the words your family will use to describe body parts, urine, and bowel movements. Remember that other people will hear these words too, so pick words that will not offend, confuse, or embarrass anyone. Avoid negative words like "dirty," "naughty," or "stinky." They can make your child feel ashamed and embarrassed. Talk about bowel movements and urination in a simple, matter-of-fact manner. Pick a potty chair. A potty chair is easier for a small child to use because there is no problem getting onto it and a child's feet can reach the floor. Special books or toys for "potty time" may help make this more enjoyable for your child. Know the signs. Before having a bowel movement, your child may grunt or make other straining noises, squat, or stop playing for a moment. When pushing, his face may turn red. Explain to your child that these signs mean that a bowel movement is about to come. Your child may wait until after the fact to tell you about a wet diaper or a bowel movement. This is actually a good sign that your child is starting to recognize these body functions. Praise your child for telling you, and suggest that "next time" he let you know in advance. Keep in mind that it often takes longer for a child to recognize the need to urinate than the need to move bowels. Make trips to the potty routine. When your child seems ready to urinate or have a bowel movement, go to the potty. It may also be helpful to make trips to the potty a regular part of your child's daily routine, such as first thing in the morning, after meals, or before naps. Try training pants. Once your child starts using the potty with some success, training pants can be used. This moment will be special. Your child will feel proud of this sign of growing up. However, be prepared for "accidents." Once your child has learned to use the potty chair, your child can begin using an over-the-toilet seat and a step-up stool. Do you have a question requiring some parenting advice? Have you had experiences in your parenting that you feel would help others? Are you parenting with the end goal in mind? What is the end goal for parenting your child? Are you preparing your child for life and adulthood? What are your children seeing? What are you feeding your children? What does your family stand for? Question 1: Are you parenting with the end goal in mind? What is the end goal for parenting your child? Many parents simply want to love their children. They live in a “Beetles” world and abide by the popular song “All you need is love.” While love is extremely important for all children, we must look into a deeper understanding of what loving your child really consists of. Love is not simply an emotion. It is not simply that wonderful, drug-like feeling you get when you hold your child and whisper that you love them. Love is preparing your child for adulthood in the very best way you can. Are you preparing your child for life and adulthood? Don’t get me wrong. I am certainly not saying that children should be allowed to be children. But childhood is also a time that we are developing the life skills. These critical life skills are the foundation of who we will be as adults. All too often today’s child grows up far too soon with regards to learning about gratuitous violence and sex. But are quite sheltered from adversity and challenges that help them develop internal fortitude and the ability to persevere. Children need to learn responsibility, decision-making, and consequences. They need to learn that failure is a necessary stepping-stone to success. They need to learn how to delay gratification, strive for excellence and how to serve a cause greater than themselves. Start them small with little jobs and little decisions and then as they grow older increase the level of challenges you expect them to handle. If you teach your child that life is all fun and games then they are going to be really upset when they discover it is not. Don’t allow your 6-year-old to operate dangerous kitchen equipment without supervision but do expect them to serve their family by making dinner every couple of weeks, even if it means they make everyone a peanut butter sandwiches in the beginning and develop their culinary skills from there. He can put the silverware away, begin to learn how to fold towels, and vacuum. You actually serve your child as you teach them to serve you. Every day ask yourself; “Is what I am teaching my child today going to serve them in becoming happy, resourceful, responsible, competent and capable human beings?” That should be your benchmark. Question 2: What are your children seeing? Children learn by watching YOU. Are you a good role model for your child? Parents must show that they know right from wrong. You know what it means to be an adult. You know what kind of man or woman you hope your child to be when he or she grows up. Simply put, be the miracle you want for your child. If you want your child to grow up a certain way then try to give them a role model to follow. If you want your child to be kind or generous then you need to demonstrate kindness and generosity. If you want your child to be a good student then you must value excellence and model scholarship. If you want your child to have strong work ethic live an ethical life. Teach your children to emulate greatness and then do everything is your power to live the greatness within you so they can emulate you. Question 3: What are you feeding your children? You have heard many times, we are what we eat. That is true. If we are feeding our bodies junk, our children cannot feel the vibrant health they need to grow strong. No parent would feed their children trash out of the trash can, and yet, when it comes to our children’s minds, they are exposed to garbage everyday. Garbage in – Garbage out; Greatness in – greatness out. Be as careful about what you feed the hearts and minds of your children, as you are about what you feed them for dinner. Monitor the kind of television programs your children watch. Even those you think are fine, might be feeding your children messages that you do not want them to have. Question 4: What does your family stand for? Are the values that you hold dear crystal clear to every member of your family? Have you written them down, discussed them, agreed upon them and then signed a contract that states clearly the values your family believes in and upholds. If children understand clearly what values their family stands for, if they have been a part of the process in determining those values, if they have promised to fight to uphold those values, the chances that they become the values that sustain them as adults are great. As I stated earlier, I believe that one of the keys to being a great parent is keeping your eyes on the prize. Know what the end goal for your child is. Think about what kind of man or woman you want your son or daughter to become, and with that goal in the forefront of your mind, make your parenting decisions. If you focus on being a good role model, preparing your child for adulthood by teaching them critical life skills, and providing a solid foundation of values on which they can stand then chances are excellent that they will grow up to live the greatest dreams they can dream for themselves and in doing so, they will fulfill your greatest dreams for them as well. |